I am a house mum now and have been all my sons life. Am a single mum living with my parents. Hi! Going by the earlier posts, my problem is likely due to my travel job. Anyways here is the question: The childs mother wants to see her but obviously we are afraid shell take off again. By the time all my training was done may daughter was 14 months old and had been with my mother the entire time. There isnt anything I wouldnt do for her. Plan pumping while at work. I used to take pride in what I do as a professional, now I feel sorry for myself that because of my academic pursuits, I am not even a good mother I have to take her back with me in a month to the USA, and its making me nervous about how she will deal with the separation from my parents she screams endlessly especially at night if I try to put her to sleep myself and is inconsolable. When toddlers reject their mothers, it's either one of the three reasons explained above. So everything stabilized for me. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? Above all, enjoy these last few weeks with your little one. When i do, shell cry & scream for daddy. My daughter is nearly six months old and she gets really grumpy with me. I cant help having my heart broken. Thank you very much for the clarifications. I guess I just dont want this type of behavior to flow into other areas of her life. Ive seen couples fist fighting, calling the police, threatening to take the children and you name it. Our third daughter cant seem to stand me and it is really breaking my heart. I would hate for it to be the opposite. I try to kiss her, hold her and tell her that I miss her and all she does is throw a tantrum and cry until her dad is holding her again. Children are not there to build our self-esteem, they cant and often wont, especially if we expect them to act in a certain way, or to be thankful or loving, because we treat them well. Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! Any idiot can get pregnant but being a loving mother is something entirely different. Things will get better. I get upset and I feel so rejected, It hurts to feel unloved. My daughter is 2 1/2 years old, and she used to be very affectionate. Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. Cared for her, loved her, played with her, etc. And if there is any way at all that you can get longer periods at home during this sensitive period, consider asking for it. And one afternoon she suddenly started rejecting me. Im very concerned about you. Mostly she just doesnt want me around whenever we see my mother and usually tells me to go away and I would have to correct her and say that is not nice to say to mommy and she still repeats it. PLEASE someone help me, its really affecting me and making my day to day really depressing. Assess your breastfeeding status If your baby is just a few weeks old and you must return to work, you may feel breastfeeding is not yet well established. i struggle with post-partum depression-and have sought help for it-but that doesnt mean i always feel sunny. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. I dont want this to have any lasting affects on our long term relationship. Its got to a point where I feel like everything is against me. At this, understanding and accepting a no simply is beyond her. Give him a bah, feed him, put him to bed, give him his breakfast, get him dressed, take him out in his pram and do not take no for an answer or it will get worse. Bonding can start at any time, even at 15 months old, even though it can take a bit longer to establish at that point. I had to go back to work part time at 6weeks, but have been 100% available and loving and devoted every second I have free. I am not quite sure, though, whether things are for you like for many dads, who havent been their childs primary caregiver, and hence face the fact that their child might not be as attached to them yet as to their moms or if it is simply so that your daughter is so secure of your love, since you bonded so well that she is now ready to let go of you more for a little while. Since my son, per judge, lives only with his dad. If this has happened to you, you might be sad, worried, and frustrated. And I was the one at home. Most likely, your son is going through a phase when he is turning out towards the world. Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. Of course we can go the road of power struggles, but it wont help. what you said makes perfect sense. But the best thing you can do is to NOT take it personal. Dont worry. Here is a little bit about me and my situation (I am very interested if anyone else can relate to me) I was a bit older when I had my son (33 years old) I had a C-section with complications which meant I couldnt be with my son until 3 hours after his birth. He gets really upset when Daddy leaves the room. I cry all the time. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. When I am in the US, I try to work from home on most days so I can spend time with my children. Within a week I was less upset and things were turning around. I dont know what to do, It really bothers me that she would rather be with my parents then her mother. I think I made a huge mistake leaving her for 4 months She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). That does NOT mean that the baby doesnt love dad (or mom in your case), but simply that she is a developmental stage where she mainly can handle showing love to one person at the time. Mostly because he or she is a baby who really has no idea what "work" is, but also because you're a good mom who loves her baby no matter what. Its my first baby and this hurts sooo much inside seeing it happen everyday. On the other hand when where home our out she only wants me and nothing to do with her father. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. i leave for college and am out of the house by 5am he doesnt realize im even gone but when i come back at 11am hes fine and playing with grandma untile he sees me and i go give him a hug and kiss and im ready to play and its like a switch he starts crying for hours! i am a younger mother who still lives with my mother. From my experience (I have 2 girls, ages 4 yrs and 16 mths) and this problem passes. this time we were alone in the room. You are so sweet and encouraging!! He even says lots of words including daddy, bruh bruh for his brother, nana, papa, juice, more, he even says my niece and nephews names, Michael and Mattie, but he has never said momma! Its just that when my husband and i decided to start trying for another baby i quickly had changed my mind and decided i wasnt ready yet and that i was content with it just being me, my husband, and our first son, but it was too late and when i decided to not try anymore i already conceived. Adjusting to this new life will take time and you can't expect to nail it right out of the gate. More Like This So chin up, even when its hard. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. But all this can be easily changed! Secondly, it will help you and your hubby becoming partners in parenting more. So Ive tried to improve, and honestly, Ive seen positive results very quickly. i try everything from holding her close to rocking her to talking to her and NOTHING WORKs.i then give her to grandma and she is quite and happy almost immediatly. The bond is there, and you obviously love her very much. And do things together all of you. What am I doing wrong? Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. Your girl is acting this way because she loves you and needs you, not the opposite! xxx. A few months ago my fiance lost her job and is at home 24/7. Your girls are now 8 months old. she would prefer me if she is with me and strangers but at home I am no where in her priority list. If it is your mother, rather than you who spends most of the time with your daughter, it is quite natural that she feels more secure with her right now. Im so happy he still wants to breastfeed though and didnt completely write me off but he just doesnt seem happy to see me like he did his daddy and that hurts so much especially since I cried cause I missed him so much. But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. Which is great but I feel useless. Its the school holidays now and its like even though im spending more time with him, there are times he prefers his grandma. I want her to love me again! Or give me some advice so she wont freak out on me like she does? Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. You can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect with other parents in your situation. Instead of turning your relationship into a power struggle, (trying to make him say mommy, for example), be proud of how much you have helped him to grow already! Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. My son is 18 mos old. You are and always will be their only mother. I thought my son did this because of his cesarean and my dh being the one to help. Everyone eeps telling me that he loves me and he did miss me but it doesnt feel like it. It's never easy dealing with a toddler rejecting mom. - Author Lori Mihalich-Levin in Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return From Maternity Leave.". It isn't exactly easy, balancing the needs of your child with likely way less sleep than you're used to, while trying to be the same employee you were before you left. She doesnt want me at all, except whn she needed 2have milk. I think for young babies, being reminded of the other parent can be too painful to endure. Daddy stays home with her now and she is so attached to him. You can never get this time back. When my husband and I return from work (both at the same time) he always searches for his father and greets him with a big smile, as for me he ignores me completely and I am the one that plays with him most. It makes me regret being a mother sometimes. Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. January 26, 2013. Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. The study found 17 percent of women experienced anxiety. I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. If you can accept that OK, right now she prefers her dad, but that doesnt mean that I am bad or that she hates me. One is of course that it will bring baby and dad closer, which is probably not something you see as important right now, but in the long run, being close to both parent is optimal. Shes the most amazing thing in the world. I am sure that one day, he will know who his mother is and what she did for him. Daddy is a play toy and thinks he comes and goes and is fun, but deep down I know she loves me and cant live without me. To have any lasting affects on our long term relationship where you live, to connect with other in. 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