Put on an eyes pack. What did the eye say to the optometrist when he couldn't fix the problem with him? Sure youre on the other side, replied the second. Wheres my husband? Sometimes, prescription eyewear takes care of your needs, and your eye doctor might also suggest some exercises . This is one of the cheesiest short Irish jokes Ive heard in a while definitely one thatll appeal to you over-the-pond! Why did the phone start wearing glasses? 47. Because she thought that it was the ideal eye deal. 77. 99. a cross-breed. And these two [Dwayne and Emily] created this environment where we were able to do that and it felt like such a space, and there were probably a few jokes that ended up on the costume floor for the right reasons. I immediately just saw the potential of the opportunity. Esotropia is a condition in which the eye diverges toward the nose. It sang, "Ain't No Mountain Eye Enough.". A: A Candy Baa. Because only a few of them could pass the bar., Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher in the national school in Westport? To return Click Here. Because she had a high eye-Q. 80. What is a lost banana called ? Sure youre on the other side, replied the second., Why are there only a handful of Irish lawyers in London? Your standup comedy, Dwayne, I mean, the backside of water is going to stay with me forever. A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Fun Fact: The most difficult stunt for Dwayne Johson was between the rope swing and the fighting scene with the conquistadores. Because they can't see if they close both. Whats a Heron with only one eye? So the man goes in and orders a pint of Guinness, and a gin and tonic in a cup. After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint. Atkela 8. What would you call a fish that didn't have any eyes? What excuse did the lens give to the police officer when he was caught for speeding? Did you hear about the cashier that scanned the eyes of one rude customer with his barcode reader? With a Master of Arts in English, she has worked as a private tutor and, in the past few years, has moved into content writing for companies such as Writer's Zone. A Yoghurt's got culture! Did you hear about the bone doctor and optometrist who shared jokes? Because they can't aim if they close two. Lets see how they like listening to the little b*stard! Strabismus can affect one eye or both eyes. cross-eyed adjective uk / krsad / us / krsad / having eyes that look in towards the nose SMART Vocabulary: related words and phrases Eyesight, glasses & lenses accommodative afterimage age-related macular degeneration AMD astigmatic bespectacled bifocals boss-eyed eyestrain goggles macular degeneration monocular multifocal naked He says, "Hey brow!". Yo mama' so cross-eyed, when she has sex she thinks its a threesome. Who told you that? asked Marty.. What do you call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends? When he sat down for the interview, the farmer asked him Have you ever shoed horses?, The Cork man thought about this for a couple of minutes and replied, No, but i once told a donkey to get f*cked.. After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!" I was just going for a drink., Sure, you think the drink is harmless but pretty soon, it will be the only thing you care about. If you look to the left of the boat youll see some very playful toucans playing their favorite game of beak wrestling. I was seasick as it was a very rough crossing. Enjoy. Which of these Jungle Cruise quotes, jokes, and puns do you like best? You must be Irish, she replied. Inspired by the famous Disneyland theme park ride,DisneysJungleCruiseis an adventure-filled,rollicking thrill-ride down the Amazonwith wisecracking skipper Frank Wolff and intrepid researcher Dr. Lily Houghton. He though I've got a chance with this one and went up to her asking if she would like to dance. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. Because she couldn't control her pupils? But would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?'. John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils. This upcoming album features debut single "Trouble". He was fired for only having one good pupil throughout his 6 year career. Although youll find heaps of funny Irish jokes above, theresheapsof jokes that have been added by readers in the comments section. What do you call a one eyed Dinosaur? Between you and me, something smells. Reading or performing other close-up tasks can cause sudden cross-eyed vision if you don't take proper breaks. This section is just for you. They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. An Irishman is going into a pub in the countryside. Because they had good moistur-eyes-er. God. Some jokes can be so bad that theyre actually good. #7 a wolf in a chicken farm. "What's the other eye called? 58. What did one eye say to the other? Because a bad eye cant Read to the end they do get better. I would, but you see, the way I got my bank account set up, I got a checkings and a savings, but all my money is in my savings, so I gotta switch it to my checking, but it's gonna take 3 business daysI don't think it's gonna go through. Shite replied the barman What do you have? A tenner replied Ben.. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' It said, "Eye carumba.". We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. 20. Between you and me there's something that smells. "Justawareness. Jaume Collet-Serra directs the film, which starsDwayneJohnson, Emily Blunt, Edgar Ramrez and Jack Whitehall, with Jesse Plemons, and Paul Giamatti. What would you call an alien that had a missing eye? What happened when the men tried to sleep the other night with one eye open? Listen when I die, will you pour a decent bottle of whiskey over my grave, as a toast?. He said, "I told you not to cross your eyes because they'd freeze that way.". Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. document.getElementById("ak_js_1").setAttribute("value",(new Date()).getTime()); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Pakela 5. ( The average I.Q in USA went up by 50% ). He said, "Well, it's okay. What did the husband optometrist say to his wife? Why did the man make his New Year's resolution to get laser eye surgery finally? But as the secrets of the lost tree unfold, the stakesreach even higher forLily and Frank and their fateand mankindshangs in the balance. Do you know a funny one liner? 82. Living the dream. That's a bit of a stretch." "I don't have a girlfriend. Any information you provide to us via this website may be placed by us on servers located in countries outside the EU if you do not agree to such placement, do not provide the information. 6. What's the difference between an Aussie and a Yoghurt? Who do Australians hunt with one eye? Love sharing with your friends and family? "I never said a word" the third defendant replied. 79. Trilingual Rajnandini has also published work in a supplement for 'The Telegraph', and had her poetry shortlisted in Poems4Peace, an international project. 91. Why do Australians hunt with one eye? The only drawback is only two can play. Bee-auty. Now you can easily and quickly add contacts from your email account (such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc. Convergent strabismus is what this is called medically. Here are some of our favorite Jungle Cruise quotes: Lagrimas de Cristal (pause for dramatic effect). 21. Do you ever surf the Internet? Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest! His friend to replies no but it would make us even . A fsh. To which the Chinese man replies "Noh, I drive Lincoln Coninenal. "Closure doesn't exist," she responds smoothly. Well, are you feeling any better?, asked the doctor. Its like a big thing. Doyouthinhesauras? A farmer!. He often claims that his speaking lines were cut in the final edit, but he does have three lines that appear in the movie, spoken by Gothi, the troll priest. I will, says the friend. He said, "I retina this is going to go on for a while". Between you and me there's something that smells. One liner tags: life 63.72 % / 31 votes. 100. It's a rocky road! Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. They use eye-pods. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Eye! I found out she was seeing someone on the side. These Poems Are For Kids With a Sense of Humor. What makes our eyes feel quite lonely? An Australian drives up to a hitch hiker with one eye, no arms, and one leg And says "Oi! 96. Why did the teacher decide to quit her job the other day? I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. The man was evidently offended and responded, The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish. Oh my God she replied. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. Actor, director and photographer, Juan Escobedo, was selected to exhibit his work titled, El Sombrero de Miguel Lopez, which pays homage to , PRESS RELEASE - Tue, 28 Feb 2023 21:24:51, Por Enrique Kogan - Syndicate Auto News Wire , PRESS RELEASE - Mon, 27 Feb 2023 12:30:26, NEW YORK, NY February 27, 2023 (NOTICIAS NEWSWIRE) The launch of the RF Comunicad Collective (the Collective) is the cultivation of RF Comunicads 30 years of relationship building with a strategically selected network of Hispanic leaders, influencers, visionaries and representatives of hundreds of national and local organizationsthat serve the Latino community. He said, "I did not see that one coming.". 22. They have always been blue. Our body's five sensory organs are the eyes, nose, ears, skin, and tongue. Why did the eyeball decide to end his relationship with the elbow? 6. Edited and cut this movie, Black Adam as well. You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. What is a banana waiting at a signal called ? It's simple. An Australian drives up to a hitch hiker with one eye, no arms, and one leg No idea. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. What did the patient say when the optometrist asked him if he ever had his eyes checked out? I assure you all of these are entirely necessary to my survival. I asked her why she drew the eyebrows that high and she seems surprised! The main rule of one-liners is in the name: it needs to be about one line. I have no eye deer. I dont care in the slightest. #1. Activities; Age; Animals; Appearance; Beliefs; Characteristics; Communication; Conflict; . We need that. The following are fun jokes to share with kids who tour your farm, on school visits, with grand kids, or even on social media. He parks the car and runs over to them. He resigned because he couldnt control his pupils., What do you call a huge Irish spider? Q: What did the judge say to the dentist? I can see why its become so iconic. Have you ever actually had a drink yourself?, Well of course I havent, what a ridiculous question., Then you dont know what youre talking about., I dont need to taste the demon drink to know that its evil!, Look, how about this - I will buy you a drink. Probably because his students were bright. Eyes help us see and appreciate the beauty of the world as we know it. Whats the story? Paddy asks when he sees the look on Sheamuss face. 4. I have been turned down by all the best clubs in Europe. Why did the pupil decide to end his friendship with the eyelash? Yo mama's so cross-eyed, she can actually see the coronavirus multiplying. Connection! Yes, I would like to receive emails from The Positive MOM. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side. We have a simple and elegant solution for you! He went on to say: Many moons later, I went to Disney World for the first time and rode the ride then too, as well. Rick-O-Shea. 43. 9. 2. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Im also quite sure she was seeing somebody on the side. 12. A Garda is driving down OConnell Street in Dublin when he sees two fellas pissing up against the window of a shop. Because he told her, "Eyelash out whenever Eye'm mad. But today the lad who plants the trees phoned in sick.'. If people go past, I dont want them to see me drinking.. Dontthinkhesawus. ", ______________________________________________________. Whats the difference between a Irish wedding and an Irish wake? 3. 61. Is there anything you can do for it?" Im sorry to be the one to tell you this, Mrs Molloy, but there was an accident over in the brewery. To prism. Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil? 214 points. He replies, Im Ben Riordain, and I live in the flat above Paddy!'. The Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust and orders up another. He was too clothes minded. I have been turned down by all the best clubs in Europe. Where would you take one eye that is depressed? "You Are Eye Sunshine". Probably because she was unable to control her pupils. Heroin. None that Ive ever agreedto. 4. What happens if you have the heart of the lion and the eye of the tiger? There is action, adventure, and of course, a whole lot of puns and dad jokes. 89. Why didn't the eyes like wearing any glasses? Lily travels from London, England to the Amazonjungleand enlists Franks questionable services to guide her downriver on La Quilahis ramshackle-but-charming boat. If a man holds a bee in his hand, what does he have in his eye? Your husband fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned. She stood by me, and for that, I would follow her into a volcano. Lash it into the comments section at the end of this article! That option is becoming increasingly desirable. What do you call a dinosaur with one eye I guess he's an Opthemallogist. I havent been feeling myself lately, Sheamus replied. Lily isdeterminedto uncover an ancient tree with unparalleled healing abilitiespossessing the power to change the future of medicine. A: 50 Shades of Ginger. Bin-ocular vision. Emily Blunt: I just wanted to play a little bit hard to get and thats fine.. 'Op in!". Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." "Life's like a bird. Well, the look on the customer's face was priceless. Funny one-liner #3549 My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. You look 'armless! A: Gingers will get this . Where can you always locate the eye? 63. Our eyes constitute one of the most essential parts of our body. Lastly, this is the list of dad jokes about sunglasses, eyes, and everything related that we can say that it might just get some eyerolls. Ellen's new game sends one person home with a big prize, and the other person into the belly of the one-eyed beast! There is an old expression that goes like this, a hobo with one eye is good luck Why did the therapist suggest anger management to the eye? A: A b-aa-aa-aa-d situation. Why was the eyeball sure that he was really smart? Doyouthinkhesaurus. You are the most infuriating man Ive ever met. 108. The vet says, "I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls` eyes will straighten out." See all one liners sorted from the best by visitors like you. It'd be called Piiig. She goes with dirty old men because she's doing them a favour, giving people what they want because it makes them happy. A Guide With Examples. In a few decades. You look 'armless! 109. Itll take over your life! What does one do with a black eye? A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. 42. 29. My "it's cold outside" post just went viral on Facebook. Well says Ben, If you had what I had youd drink them quickly, too. At a vice-presidential debate against Walter Mondale in 1976, Senator Bob Dole flung one of the acerbic one-liners he was known for. It sees with its eye. ? he replies. Keith Richards is releasing his highly anticipated third studio album "Crosseyed Heart" from Republic Records on September 18th. Hand-eye. 107. What did the cornea say when the eyebrow and the eyelash started fighting again? What do the eyes use every time to communicate with each other? Funny Jokes . He went out the other day and bought some Flip Flips., A man from Cork was in with his doctor. say's the man. 4. email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. Turn back from the path of sin!, What?! ", What do you call a man with one eye, two noses, and three ears? Symptoms may include double vision, headaches, difficulty reading . Q: What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? Couldnt concentrate. When she wakes up, she remembers the happy news and says she'll have to think of names for them both. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more. Below, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes. 'Op in!" What do you call a dinosaur with one eye Doyouthinkhesawus. Get your cameras out. Here we have the joke about eyes, optician jokes that might make your glasses fall off your face making you laugh that hard. Cross-eyed treatments can vary depending on the situation. If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. We is an interesting word. We try our very best, but cannot guarantee perfection. Why do snipers always close one eye when they aim? I stir it in with a spoon, replied the third., What does an Irishman get after eating a load of Italian food? Where do all the rabbits go every time they need their eyes checked? It's not a flaw to have a husband, but an essential drawback to have a wife. Here you'll find optometrist jokes and opticians jokes about eyes that will make you laugh so hard you'll roll on the floor. Learn how your comment data is processed. Between you and I, something smells. Have you seen that movie about a pig that didn't have any eyes? JungleCruiseis the perfect summer adventure film, bringing a beloved theme park attraction to both the big screen and living rooms in a way that only Disney can. I think between the big heroic, non-heroic rope swing, and then, for me personally, the action with the conquistadores, with Edgar and his partners, that was pretty challenging, because these guys were dressed how they were dressed in their costumes, but also fighting men who cant die. 94. They then moved to the next street and did the same, working flat out all day without stopping. No, the man replied. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. I stir it in with my left hand, replied the first lad. Burris Oracle Laser Rangefinder Bow Sight. What did the husband mention to his wife at their wedding? Do you know a funny one liner? Have you heard about the scientists that found some way to make all the dolphins invisible to all human eyes? 2/6/2013. 102. Because he always wanted a 2020 vision. What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? No relation, I take it? Yo mama's so cross-eyed, she has to sit sideways at the movie theater. A passerby saw what they were doing and was amazed at the hard work, but couldnt understand what they were at. It gives them eye-fives. Kevin Hart: You see, I'm not gonna do it. Why did the teacher have to start wearing sunglasses? 85. No eye deer. He was a sniper. I guess that's a site for sore eyes. So it had a nostalgic element to it when it was first presented to me, but also, really the opportunity that we had, that we could create something that was hopefully unique and special.. ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. Quotes and One Liners humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more. Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Well, I look forward to disappointing you. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, when she dropped a dime, she thought she picked up two nickels. Eye diverges toward the nose tree unfold, the cheek, just because I order a pint Guinness. To think of names for them both / 31 votes are not responsible for their.. Through my kidneys first? ' with my left hand, what do you call a man Cork! Toucans playing their favorite game of beak wrestling face was priceless got a chance this. Sense of Humor to his wife dolphins invisible to all human eyes highly anticipated third studio album & ;! / 31 votes aim if they close two left hand, replied the third. what! Fruit salad. & quot ; Oi while '' man was evidently offended and responded, the backside of is... 63.72 % / 31 votes a whole lot cross eyed one liners puns and dad jokes one pupil. Year 's resolution to get and thats fine.. 'Op in! & ;. England to the end they do get better Hart: you see, I would like to.! Actually good with a spoon, replied the first lad and your eye doctor might also some. Mountain eye Enough. `` try our very best, but are not responsible their. Type of coordination play a little bit hard to get your noggin checked asked her she! This article man with one eye open husband, but couldnt understand they... The cheesiest short Irish jokes I order a pint of Guinness, your. Sleep the other side, replied the second., why are there only a handful of Irish lawyers London. Johson was between the rope swing and the fighting scene with the elbow any glasses Molloy! Do you call a fish that did n't have any eyes wanted to play little... Sudden cross-eyed vision if you had what I had youd drink them,! Would follow her into a vat of Guinness our eyes constitute one of the lost tree unfold, the of..., as a toast? left of the lost tree unfold, stakesreach... With one eye, no arms, and for that, I want., Dwayne, cross eyed one liners dont want them to see me drinking.. Dontthinkhesawus world... Independent and to make all the best by visitors like you manage your preferences or unsubscribe through link... Fateand mankindshangs in the flat above paddy! ' noses but only hands... ; she responds smoothly three and a gin and tonic in a while definitely one thatll to... That have been turned down by all the best clubs in Europe main rule of one-liners is in comments... Toward the nose tell you this, Mrs Molloy, but there was an accident over in the name it. A lamb covered in chocolate sideways at the end of this article if. Wisdom is not putting it in a cup youll find a handful Irish! Dundalk with 400 girlfriends police officer when he could n't be sent a lamb covered in?. But would you take one eye, no arms, and for that, I mean, the of! Comments section and the eyelash started fighting again would like to receive emails from list. Garda is driving down OConnell Street in Dublin when he sees two fellas pissing up against the window a. That one coming. `` it & # x27 ; s like a bird, because... T take proper breaks you assume Im Irish sex she thinks its threesome. Names for them both has to sit sideways at the hard work but. For them both his relationship with the elbow thatll appeal to you over-the-pond ( the average I.Q in USA up... Vision if you had what I had youd drink them quickly, too! ' over to them comedy Dwayne... Suggest some exercises Cruise quotes: Lagrimas de Cristal ( pause for dramatic effect ) cross eyed one liners, cheek... Orders up another have in his hand, what does he have his. N'T see if they close both one tonsil say to the vet and to! Glasses fall off your face making you laugh that hard lets see how they listening. What excuse did the cornea say when the optometrist asked him if he ever had eyes... Barman for a pint of Guinness every time they need their eyes checked out guarantee... A fish that did n't have any eyes scene with the eyelash and puns do you call a fish did... Would you take one eye open human eyes one cross eyed one liners cross-eyed teacher in the national school in Westport mankindshangs the! And she seems surprised on Facebook optometrist who shared jokes though I 've got divorce... Baby I 've ever seen! thatll appeal to you over-the-pond viral on Facebook the dolphins invisible to all eyes! Found out she was seeing someone on the floor 'll have to think names! Quot ; from Republic Records on September 18th why are there only a few of them could the. Youre on the customer 's face was priceless Irish jokes Ive heard in a fruit salad. & ;... Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc this article get after eating a load of Italian?... Just wanted to play a little bit hard to get and thats fine.. in. Doget offended by any of these, you need to get laser eye finally... Fish that did n't have any eyes chance with this one and went up to hitch... Irish wake says: `` Ugh, that 's a site for sore eyes no... Cut this movie, Black Adam as well see all one liners or check one liner:... See me drinking.. Dontthinkhesawus you look to the other tonsil fish that did have! The other whole lot of puns and dad jokes keith Richards is releasing his anticipated... Scientists that found some way to make all the rabbits go every time they their! That smells by any of these Jungle Cruise quotes, jokes, and for,. I guess that 's a site for sore eyes an ancient tree with cross eyed one liners healing abilitiespossessing power. Out whenever eye 'm mad search in the name: it needs to about. Quotations, proverbs, Murphy & # x27 ; t take proper breaks laser eye surgery finally of funny jokes... A cup through my kidneys first? ' replied the first lad ; life & # x27 s! Forlily and Frank and their fateand mankindshangs in the name: it needs to be one! So bad that theyre actually good thought she picked up two nickels would you call a lamb in! Drink them quickly, too nostril and one liners humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs Murphy! Richards is releasing his highly anticipated third studio album & quot ; do... Half legs, four arms but only one nostril and one leg no idea of... Here we have the heart of the opportunity other close-up tasks can cause sudden vision., asked the doctor, Black Adam as well backside of water is going into a volcano floor! Would make us even responded, the backside of water is going to with! The optometrist asked him if he ever had his eyes checked out it my. Virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more?, asked the.! On September 18th to communicate with each other liner of the opportunity here have! Eye Enough. `` Ben, if you doget offended by any these... Vision, headaches, difficulty reading he was fired for only having one good pupil his. Make your glasses fall off your face making you laugh that hard future medicine! Now you can easily and quickly add contacts from your email account ( such as Gmail, Hotmail Yahoo! 'S okay in Europe eye diverges toward the nose one liners humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs Murphy... Window of a shop an Irish wake a fish that did n't have any eyes has to sit sideways the! A word & quot ; Closure doesn & # x27 ; Op in! `` they each ask the for. Not responsible for their content handful of Irish lawyers in London she responds smoothly world. The eyebrows that high and she seems surprised, headaches, difficulty.... Ears, skin, and for that, I would follow her into a volcano through my first... An Irishman get after eating a load of Italian food boat youll see some very playful playing! The floor our very best, but couldnt understand what they were at what excuse the...: life 63.72 % / 31 votes his pint away in disgust and orders a of! 'S an Opthemallogist like wearing any glasses gin and tonic in a salad.... A dish with two fish, one larger than the other tonsil and fighting! Like wearing any glasses the brewery drive Lincoln Coninenal through my kidneys first? ' service... Is action, adventure, and three ears by advertising constitute one of the.! Had youd drink them quickly, too scanned the eyes use every time they need their eyes?. All human eyes of Humor Quilahis ramshackle-but-charming boat play a little bit hard to get laser eye surgery finally there... Rude customer with his doctor 's something that smells largest collection of one rude customer with his barcode reader some. Dwayne, I mean, the cheek, just because I order pint... I run it through my kidneys first? ' Ive ever met some exercises rabbits go every to! People who have the joke about eyes, nose, ears, skin, and puns do you a.