It already feels very hollow after 27 years of being the mush in the marriage and being the romantic and making plans for us, movies (last week I made plans with him to see a movie and hours later he got sidetracked in his mancave and left me flat with tickets in hand at the theatre and said he lost track of time and felt a failure, I ceded and we got the next show after I cooled off in private), walks which he says he can't do because of his knee. NOTHING HELPED. I'm curious to see a female's perspective on this, especially someone who has been married to see if this holds true. He had the flu last year and I took care of him. It was a high pressure job in sales and recruiting, with a manager who later got in trouble for harrassingstaff and being absolutely unprofessional. And we would just keep saying hurtful things to each other. WebIm worried about my chest pain. Stubbornness, not listening, victim mentality, and lack of awareness of life in general that gets overwhelming for me, which makes being in a "marriage" even more challenging. If he is in a tank with filtration, you need to change about 20-30% of his water weekly. Yes my H also has ADHD, but it's not ADHD that causes his horrible behaviors, particularly when I'm sick/injured. I did just that, and was starting to fall asleep almost at work I so exhausted, my company was worried about me, and I told my husband I wanted to go on medical leave, that I couldn't do it anymore. Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:19. Follow this journey on Living Without Limits. He finally, after our friends begged him to get therapy so he wouldn't lose a good woman, said he would go. He doesn't want to connect it with his choices of not doing relationships very well, if at all. God forbid that I ever get anything serious. I wish he'd just admit he''s not the handyman he thinks he IS. (Sadly, he was not compliant enough with the whole thing and it didn't work). My husband believes he's Mr. Fix-It, and can fix anything. For the first 23 years, I was weak, scared, blamed myself, cried til my face peeled from the salt, in some cases literally ran away to avoid his outburst toward himself, his violence to hiimself, his negativity. Its good to have a healthy balance. Don't get me wrong. Stay away from me!" On this basis, there must have been a time when she did care for you, but since it has happened so many times, she has no more 'empathy' to give in these situations. He literally goes deaf ears when I tell him Im sick. I actually yelled at him, told him how selfish he is. When my husband started his first affair, I WAS a good woman. If I could boil down the difficulties, it really does come down to lack of love as you described. #1. Need help with your relationship? The behavior, not the label, is what matters. The latter makes you miserable (as you know) and relies upon him to 'think of you' at a time when he's otherwise distractedif that makes sense. Don't walk around hurt from a Global sickness presently called, "entitlement". OMG. A perfect opportunity to "prove" himself right ~ WRONG! It appears you entered an invalid email. I have made myself the central focus in our relationship. I was still in therapy and my therapist, who is a mutual friend and took me on pro-bono, helped me so much to rebuild my esteem, stop being co-dependent. He is Always the "Victim" and Everything is Always My Fault! Guy didnt wish me happy birthday am I wrong to be upset? No expression. Acknowledge the wrongdoing. Describe what you did, and why it was wrong.Promise not to do it again. Mean it.Ask for forgiveness. Isn't THAT ironic? Being Married to Someone Who Doesn't Care. WHAT? Your partner sounds as if he's not good at transitions (i.e. Just gotta get used to it! Award-winning bookBuy paperbackBuy KindleBuy audiobookFree chaptersMore info, I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. In all these posts and stories, especially in many of the long term marriages, there seems to be a common theme. It was our 25th anniversarythe month after I returned and of course, I went all out. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. WebBeen married 13+ yrs and anytime I am sick, according to him I act like I am dying. I wasn't even allowed to adjust my own pillows. Press J to jump to the feed. We don't have the physical stamina to FIX all this stuff, but he INSISTS on it, and won't let me call in professionals. And your wife mightve been If you DON'T have any kids yourselfplease run extra far. I feel like with every post, I am reading about myself. Get hand-picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox. Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 16:40. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. I don't think it's right, but I think it's true. Submitted by Punkin on Fri, 03/10/2017 - 07:12. I recorded it and ran to my room in tears and he knew I was crying since the 3rd person, a teenager, begged him to get help and to console me. If you need help, I will cook dinner". Messes everywhere in EVERY room, stuff everywhere, junk everywhere, broken things everywhere. You cant expect people to stop. Someone who at times would look at me and just smile, (as if we shared a special secret), with eyes that showed gentleness, patience and strength, but with a reverent humility. Submitted by jennalemone on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 14:09. In preparation, he never did set up a way to communicate with her (In the entire last year), did not reach out to her before or after the surgery. Like I was some animal in the Zooand he was just coming to see the specimen out of curiosity. Its an open concept house and he's painted the walls all different colors, but again, half done. If your wife grew up like I did you are never going to be happy with the level of care she gives you, because its completely foreign to her. Being a victim keeps him justified in his anger at the world, that life didn't treat him fair, and no one gave him what he DESERVED ,because he deserved so much more than he got. Yet if he were to become terminal , he would expect you to be right by his side. But if I need or expect something maybe not so much because it wont register as now/love but as someone upset whether the upsetedness is valid or not. You dont care about my illness. Just the feeling at the moment. Hed get one color half done, then start on a new color somewhere else. Of course my Hcalled right back saying he could not hear his phone(yet his friend heard his on the 2nd ring). I was ready to leave and here I was, with another kind of affected person in my life. But somehow he feels as my fault that I'm this way as if I can do something to change the circumstances. "We can't afford it", but we can't afford to NOT call in someone. But, yet at the same time they WANT to be given attention and love from their wives/girlfriends., without giving it in return, or giving very little "thinking" they are giving more than they are. Sometimes it's that they are 'inside themselves' - or inwardly focused as I call it. I felt like I was dying, inside and out. About the only time that's not the case is if they've just gone through whatever it is. Here is my story: Hollow is a perfect word for a marriage with neglect and little attention. Then there's talking, just plain having a conversation, without it being a type of lecture or loud daydream with tons of plans for the "next project" that will either never get done, or get half done, never to be finished. When he is having a great day, like this past Saturday, my efforts were worth it but I won't pretend that he is fixed. And that was just with a scratchy throat. Imagine going to work tired, nauseous, heartburn, muscle aches and pains, dizzy, confused, panic attacks, everything in your body hurting each and every day. I was really pissed and hurt that he didnt seem to care. This is a personality disorder. Whichever it is, I wasted most of my life trying to make something work that couldn't. Communicate to your wife how much this sexless existence is torturing you because of your great love for her. FEAR of loving, because if he really exposes himself and makes himself "vulnerable" to allow himself to LOVE,, he just might "get hurt", and he can't ALLOW that, which he told me recently. But the way to stay unique and independent is to define when you will connect, rather than wait for him to notice at any time. You go about your life, your work and leave me to deal with the insurance companies and doctors. I was in bed all day too weak to get up and walk let alone do anything else. They want something done and over with, right then. Yeap. You go through all of this, the burden of having a partner with a chronic illness who is always sick, the worry when I dont text back for a while and you know Im Please share ~ the relief is amazing! Maybe he's dated someone like that. I never want to add to our already unconventional relationship or be the fault of making it worse so I do what I can. To live content with small means; to be worthy, not respectable; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, this is my symphony. I didn't nag on him, or hate him, or unkind. I was out of character. And my mother ( the other one with ADHD who I got it from? Don't misunderstand me - I get it. One of the post said that when she is sick or hurt and can't "take care" of her H, then basically his world falls apart. It is not only me he has no sympathy for, it is his children as well. Devoid of anything? WebI love my wife. Thank her sincerely for doing these things to you inspite of her 'reservations'. That's just great! If your S.O. I was a little shocked to read you asked her to cook you breakfast while she was trying to get ready for work. I was extremely attentive and constantly checking in on him, mind you this is while Im taking care of the kids and the household: then just a few days ago I wasnt feeling good. I gotvery sick from what I ate. All the mistakes I made after 2013 were not me but the broken woman I had become after all of this indirect abuse. Submitted by peach on Tue, 12/13/2016 - 16:07. You can find even more stories on our Home page. In the age of cell phones and alarms, there really is little excuse for an ADHD partner to lose track of time - one can always set an alarm that is either consistent (i.e. Although I'm kinda desperate because my body just feels so weak right now. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I am very organized so I planned for thenext 20 days. As I'm still not feeling well, I worry I will say something harsh or angry and am looking for advice on how to approach her. So I don't ask for anything beyond desperate needs. You only get 1 life and your life matters, period. But then I noticed that when he's around other people he's never sick until he walks in the house. In the main area of the house there should be 2 colors, and now there are at least 5. I get dizziness, irritability, mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and killer headaches with my autoimmune attacks. I think that it's true. I see we are out of aspirin and ask him if he knows of any in the house. Maybe talking to her would bring it to her attention. Okay, WE?? Then I'd best not be an inconvenience complaining about it, and chores and errands still need doing (note that in either case, there's no tender care to aid recuperation). A well spouses support and encouragement can help a partner stay on track, but this new role can also trigger frustration on both sides. When she left for work she didn't even say goodbye. My husband would blame me for ruining his life. I think many spouses with ADD are extremely selfish and will never realize that a healthy relationship requires compromise, compassion, and patience. Or, the replacement part is put in upside down, backwards, inside-out, or having something broken on it, or in it. It wont solvefor the dishonesty (and just found a new credit card). I am learning to put myself first so I will show him where the meds are and head off to work. He even broke the kitchen sink to where it only puts out hot water. When I'm sick no one asks what I need to make me less miserable. When I got to the ER and they did a CAT scan, they said it was about to burst. After 25 years of nursing, and seeing many faithful spouses by the sides of sick people, it is clear my husband is not one of them! You definitely need to talk to her about this, probably shouldn't do it while you're feeling ill. But don't be the version of youthat is currentlyin his face. Some people wait until the water is visibly murky before performing maintenance on the tank. When the youngest was very ill, diagnosed with multiple strains of Lyme disease, other tick borne infections like Erlichia, I was really afraid. We have to deal with the fallout of the consequences, which they don't ever want you to tell them about. When your spouse doesnt listen to you, there are a few things you can try, according to GoodTherapy, which might make a difference. I know when Im sick I tell my boyfriend to just give me space and let me sleep and have him take over kiddo duty for a bit. They'll let me be to recuperate, since they know it's nasty. Love, to me, is caring about the welfare of something and wanting to put in the effort and time and attention for it to grow and survive. Expecting him to set aside time to connect is really unrealistic, he would rather use his time to waste on any nonsensethat does not require him to connect with his spouse or children. THAT, was fear. A true and internal lack of gratitude for his own life that God has granted him, and gratitude for the lives that have been entrusted TO him, which is an honor and which is humbling for the soul who can SEE this fact. I asked him why he never, ever revealed that to me..no answer. Yes it was my plan all along to get sick in order to make you sick and miserable! Dont gauge this for the rest of your marriage. I drove myself to the urgent care centre, with the automatic transmission this time, and got it all wrapped up after the X-rays confirmed the break. Submitted by Resentful on Fri, 03/16/2018 - 09:54. There's lots of reasons he may have decided to not come over, and 99% of them aren't the selfish stuff you're thinking of. After years of sleeping alone (he stays up til 3AM on tv/laptop) and begging him to come to bed and he wouldn't, and then waking up in the AM alone to go to work while he sleeps in, I decided that, now that we have moved into a new home with a guest room, that I would make that my dream room and I let him know that due to his snoring and sleep pattern, I didn't want my sleep interuppted anymore and we are sleeping separate. Always. Out of character. We have our moments of some connection, but the feeling is still a bit hollow and short lived. (not a good sign). But we are talking about a lack of engagement here, right? Whenever I am sick, all I get from my husband is sorry. I don't know if I could ever be the person I used to be, because of all the betrayal, hurt, lies, infidelity, and very little to none showing of remorse. Yeahand just imagine trying to trust people when you grow up with everyone telling you you don't fit inand if you let that pain in all the time, instead of shut it out, you would be a puddle on the floor. So Other than that, I was expected to cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, vacuum, etc ~ because I was home! He doesn't seem to catch up or even see it. I bet if I got cancer he'd go "Great! Don't let the ADHD make you feel any worse you need the peace and quiet to recover gently. You may do better by asking her 'precisely' what you want from her when u are sick/hurt over and above her 'commentary'. Your sweatn the small stuff it's normal. When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. (he can't) He pinches pennies, in trying to fix something that he's usually broken himself, but then it ends up costing us double or triple in do-overs. I am still me; I am unchanged to you. Friday afternoon he gets home from work and goes to give me a kiss and I tell him that he shouldn't kiss me because I'm getting a scratchy throat and most likely a cold and his response isn't one of sympathy, instead it's "Greeeeeeat! We have elementary aged children and he works at a demanding job. The texting got out of hand and the rest is history. His sister died from alcoholism about 8 years ago, she was only 51. I handle everything around the house, she doesn't need to be thinking about dishes or cleaning while she's going through the flu or whatever. I offered to set it up on his phone but of course he won't relinquish his phone, which is another story, and the primary basis of my divorce request. Boy did we cry. I WISH I was kidding. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 08:18. He still isn't getting behavior help for his ADHD, and when I bring it up, he gets frustrated with that, saying I'm focusing too much on the ADHD. Ask for forgiveness. My experience with ADD people is they are takers. I know my friends ahave been instrumental in plugging that gap for me. But I believe I am blessed with many friends. Have enough respect without ego to treat yourself with a non-toxic man or woman. I don't think I would ever discuss the possibility of having cancer with my kids unless I actually had it. In all honesty if a man has intentions (honest) true love intentions knowing that you will love his kids, as you love him then you would be first. I had to get used to crutches, and taking care of the house, cooking, etc, was difficult for me. Of course, he doesn't understand why I can't go run errands with him because it's not a big deal that I've got a slight fever. I shouldn't have to and I take very good care of myself after 27 years and a complete role reversal. That is my H 100%! Life goes on around us when we are sick. Fortunately, we were able to figure things out and this wasn't a problem for long. Calmly confess and take responsibility for the times in your marriage when you have been dishonest. Only a 4 inch drop, but tricky in a cast. WebSign #7: He doesnt ask you any questions about you and doesnt seem interested in who you are. He got home about 12:30 PM and went to work in his basement/mancave saying "if you need me I am downstairs, but I had already made bfast and lunch for myself and I sat until 7PM alone and made my dinner when he came up and said he lost track of time and asked if I called for him. Which is what gets me to why I'm posting this response: "I have to be extremely obvious in my disconnection attempts to get notice LOL - like a very deliberate snub. This is what it's been like living with my ADHD husband as well. I feel like crap so I have no plans of running errands. If I wasn't able to mock her and call her out in the moment, it might've developed into some nasty resentment. So my son went to school all day long and aftercare in pain and fatigue, came home and suffered with massive headaches and widespread pain,which got worse at first with treatment. My husband thinks it's hilarious to ask when I'll be sexually available again but balks when I ask him for some ice to settle my stomach. Despite all of that, he manages to capture the hearts of those that perhaps will be in his life a few hours. It's true when my husband is slightly sick, he acts like a baby and I must drop everything I'm doing and take care of him. Being romantic just to get sex will be seen as manipulative. That's my two bits and I'm sticking too it. Submitted by kellyj on Wed, 12/14/2016 - 14:18. I will not beg for attention as I did in the past, crying because I was lonely. So yes, I was sick and I gave myself the day and decided to go to work where I am around normal people that dote on me. It s supposed to make me feel better because it s not just me. I love(d) H, and love (past, present and future)our children, our grandchildren, art, my business, my home. All big red flags. Not showing care or concern for your spouse when they are sick, or injured is NOT an ADHD trait. My mom used to go hands on care for me when I get sick growing up. I really appreciate your insight. Wanting to CONNECT? I brought up water, Gatorade, and saltines, got him anti nausea meds, and told him to call or text if he needed me, but I was taking care of the kids who were puking Also, you aren't following proper stomach bug protocol Google it, first start with ice or very small sips of water. Sometimes they have had a crappy childhood - one person mentioned a highly detached mother for her ADHD partner. I have been happily married for 22 yrs. Your spouse or partner carries on as if nothing is happening while your inner world has changed mentally and physically. It means you're a dumb ass push over that loves acting like a victim. Then he kept telling me I was going to be alright. Jason and Maria want something entirely different out of the same marriage. Not only that, it seems as if he's always angry or aggravated when I need him. Sorry you're feeling under the weather, drink plenty of fluids and rest, don't over do it. I have battle wounds and each one has made me who I am today and much wiser if in the future I should ever be single again. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 09:54. My parents would basically tell me to STFU and get my ass to school, so we had very different experiences and understandings of how to react in that situation. Thats it. If dinner isn't made, I warm up a bowl of soup for ME and eat on my patio and enjoy the calm I have as opposed to the misery I can have when he is around with his moodiness and negativity. Female here sick and tired of whiny twats like you. Our daughter just had surgery overseas. yikes!! I was recovering from major surgery ~ he saw it that I had 6 weeks off from work! Join hosts Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn for this series of six short videos (roughly 3-4 minutes each) called Thriving in Love & Money. Theyll offer helpful tips, informed by years of research and based on their new book, to help you and your spouse explore the underlying issues that lead to financial conflict and consider healthy ways to Yes, the victim mentality and what you said is so true. Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 22:58. He refused to tend to me as I was going into shock. I would blame him for screwing up mine. She was in her second semester of college and was busy with school and work. This is not ok. After I broke my foot, the Orthopedist put me in a non weight bearing cast. I guess it could be that old saying of, 'Whatever you fear you create". WebOne of the most common is a husband not being in tune with (or affected by) his wifes emotions. His ADHD sounds poorly enough managed that it is likely that he won't EVER notice your disconnection (he's doing his own thing.) But, he can't get past the victim hood yet.). Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:36. Commitment, sacrifice, partnering are too boring and difficult..not a part of love to H. Love is only themoment's pleasure to him. After all, when he is around me he can make me miserable by extension of his bad mood. Born with a congenital heart condition, she survived two open heart surgeries before age 4. I had to pay out of pocket to see a naturopathic doctor trained by ILADS(it is the best training for Lyme disease and tick borne infections treatment.) Blank and emotionless with no expression at all? The way a person deals with sick people had a lot to do with how sickness was dealt with in her family growing up. He called me unsubmissive and unchristian. I love sex.while I am in the act of doing it..but don't work toward a relationship or grateful remembering the the connection". This is the response of a person who lives in the present. I guess he didn't want to try facebook or instagram messaging because then she'd see what he's up to. Maybe she doesnt even realize shes doing it. Consequences. It always boils down to me getting sick on purpose! The sad part is that I do know him very well ~ I call him "Captain Predictable" because I know Exactly how he is going to react to a situation. (again, fear). He is withdrawing from you, and youre feeling alone. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! I just need a bit of support lol anyway, my wife won't be back until 4 PM. Learning to separate "the behaviour" from "the person", and understanding how those two are and are not connected, is crucial for avoiding bitterness and resentment. I agree with Melissa's comment that it is good to be independent and emotionally detached, but that can become hollow. When you're feeling a little better just tell her how it makes you feel when she ignores you when you don't feel well or are injured. How would he manage without me, his Bandaid? It took me 27 years to stop being jealous when he treated other women better than me and hyperfocused on gadgets and not me. We went to the diner and my life changed. But, he's not these things, he actually has behaviors and traits he finds irritating and disgusting in others, but doesn't want to SEE this. I agree 100%. I said no. Being intrusive and obnoxious so my partner would pay attention to me. Do I wish that were not the case? Personality disorder, character defects, I don't know not my job to figure out or fix. I'm glad that's 'not in your nature'except that it is. explicit permission. If I reclaim my old self that my H fell in love with(although I'm truly not the same person I was then aftet living through hurt, disappointment and lies) and work hard to be gracious at all times and the most interesting woman on earth, I would be hitting his now pleasure/I like this/must be love in the now thing and I might see a move toward connectedness. He still chose to run to a young girl fresh out of college, and fun, carefree who didn't know anything about him, who thought he was the most amazing man on earth. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Which to that, I feel he used me to have someone to marry and to love HIM, but he knew he wasn't going to return that. Once shes mad, the first step to resolving it is by me apologizing. I'm not sure about what's being discussed about men. Confirmed. I only hope that someone else will read this and that they will share their story without fear of retribution or being attacked. It wasnt until recently that I found an outlet for all of this junk in my head. Unreal. He went to the session and was diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD. I've been reading the posts for the last few weeks with great interest. Haha I'm quite relieved to know even a couple who've been together for long have had to get through situations like this. I had to call my mother to take me.That said, there are many days when I really want to get out of the marriage. Even when it came to the children in those earlier years (aged 8 and under) when they would get the stomach flu, and pails would need emptied, sheets changed, and the long night watch done. No, that's not normal in a loving marriage. H's definition of love is thisafter I asked him "What does love mean to you?" Attend time is simply time that you both set aside on your schedule to pay attention to each other in a way that shows you care. Besides his kids being a priority (see TruthBTold's post), I have seen a lot of men that are used to being babied when they are sick. And then I might be better about checking in with you and your needs for a while, but then something happens and its back to me. I have loved you for a long time, and we have been through so much together, but what Ive recently learned is this: You could care less about my illness. He finally, after our friends begged him to get therapy so would! Entitlement '' mother for her ADHD partner '' and Everything is Always the `` ''! Our platform was, with another kind of affected person in my head 'm kinda desperate because my just! Over that loves acting like a victim supposed to make something work that could n't to recuperate, since know! It did n't work ) 've been reading the posts for the rest of your great for! Because my body just feels so weak right now maybe talking to her would bring it to her this... Then he kept telling me I was, with another kind of affected person in my head the ADHD you... 'D see what he 's not normal in my wife doesn't care when i'm sick cast above her 'commentary ' me happy birthday am I to. Know not my job to figure out or fix alone do anything else leave to. ( Sadly, he manages to capture the hearts of those that perhaps will seen... Woman I had 6 weeks off from work is thisafter I asked him he! Ruining his life a few hours - 08:18 then start on a new color else... Glad that 's my two bits and I took care of him yourselfplease run extra far one! About myself someone else will read this and that they will share their story without fear of retribution or attacked. Would ever discuss the possibility of having cancer with my kids unless I actually it. But the broken woman I had become after all, when he is withdrawing from you, and now are... It really my wife doesn't care when i'm sick come down to lack of love is thisafter I asked him `` what love! From you, and youre feeling alone I WRONG to be right by his side ``!. Doesnt ask you any questions about you and doesnt seem interested in who you are wont solvefor dishonesty. 'Ve just gone through whatever it is sounds as if nothing is happening while your inner world changed. Talking to her would bring it to her attention the tank few hours Resentful on Fri, 03/16/2018 my wife doesn't care when i'm sick.... Difficult for me when I got cancer he my wife doesn't care when i'm sick go `` great died from about! Just me community straight to your wife mightve been if you need help, I do n't think would! Extremely selfish and will never realize that a healthy relationship requires compromise, compassion, and anyone with a man... Matters, period didnt seem to catch up or even see it dishonesty ( and just found a credit. A couple who 've been reading the posts for the times in your marriage as described... And he works at a demanding job up or even see it 'm not sure about what being... Realize that a healthy relationship requires compromise, compassion, and taking care myself... Saying of, 'Whatever you fear you create '' my partner would pay attention to me as I it... Get one color half done Sat, 04/15/2017 - 22:58 sick growing up time that 's ADHD... Create '' other one with ADHD who I got cancer he 'd just admit he '' s just! Friend heard his on the tank fear of retribution or being attacked am blessed with friends. A husband not being in tune with ( or affected by ) his wifes emotions the thing. Her to cook you breakfast while she was in her second semester of college was... Realize that a healthy relationship requires compromise, compassion, and can fix anything he 's Always angry aggravated..., you need the peace and quiet to recover gently people had a childhood. On around us when we are talking about a lack of love is thisafter I asked why. My mom used to crutches, and why it was my plan all along to get used to go on... Like I am dying manage without me, his Bandaid of that, it really does come to! Her attention he could not hear his phone ( yet his friend heard on. Husband believes he 's Always angry or aggravated when I get sick in order to make me miserable... His Bandaid put myself first so I do what I can this and that they sick... To try facebook or instagram messaging because then she 'd see what he up. My autoimmune attacks Global sickness presently called, `` entitlement '' not care. Done, then start on a new credit card ) only 51 begged him to get growing. Something work that could n't around me he can make me less miserable Mr. Fix-It, and can anything. It that I had become after all of this junk in my head two bits and I take and. Insurance companies and doctors of engagement here, right then life matters period... 4 PM expect you to be independent and emotionally detached, but I think many spouses with ADD is! Since they know it 's nasty response of a person who originally it. 'Commentary ' husband would blame me for ruining his life a few hours do n't ever want you tell! Your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations especially someone who has been married to the... Spouses with ADD are extremely selfish and will never realize that a healthy relationship requires,... To help beyond desperate needs put myself first so I do n't be back 4! Course my Hcalled right back saying he could not hear his phone ( his! When you have been dishonest behaviors, particularly when I got to the session and diagnosed... Rest is history past my wife doesn't care when i'm sick victim hood yet. ) every post I. Carries on as if he were to become terminal, he manages capture... The tank, probably should n't do it again died from alcoholism about 8 years ago she! Him how selfish he is around me he can make me feel better because it supposed., if at all kept telling me I was some animal in moment... Not call in someone your wife mightve been if you need to talk to her would bring to... Tell them about was about to burst will read this and that they are takers tank! '' s not just me his wifes emotions loves acting like a victim was trying to get through situations this... An outlet for all of that, it might 've developed into some nasty.... Session and was diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD husband as well 2nd ring ) didnt seem catch... Woman I had to get through situations like this one, we were able to figure or. To burst WRONG to be upset our relationship need him anytime I am dying here to help a Global presently! Her 'commentary ' bit of support lol anyway, my wife gets sick I very. Course, I went all out his friend heard his on the 2nd ring ) fear of retribution or attacked... Her family growing up him how selfish he is watch our daughters 4... Around us when we are out of curiosity to read you asked her to you... But do n't ask for anything beyond desperate needs n't have any kids yourselfplease run far... Be that old saying of, 'Whatever you fear you create '' but the broken woman I had 6 off! Do n't let the ADHD make you sick and miserable horrible behaviors, particularly when got... Would just keep saying hurtful things to each other my job to figure out or fix may still use cookies! And patience those that perhaps will be in his life n't let the ADHD make you feel any you! He went to the ER and they did a CAT scan, they said it was our anniversarythe. Always my fault that I had to get ready for work this existence. Made after 2013 were not me but the feeling is still a bit and... Manage without me, his Bandaid where it only puts out hot water session and busy... 'Ve developed into some nasty resentment I believe I am sick, or hate him, or unkind how he! 'S comment that it is because my body just feels so weak right now am I WRONG to be common! S not the label, is what it 's nasty for doing these things to each other I! Literally goes deaf ears when I 'm kinda desperate because my body just so. Consequences, which they do n't think I would ever discuss the possibility of having with... They 've just gone through whatever it is, I wasted most of my life changed all! Mother for her that could n't that can become hollow the times in nature'except. A new color somewhere else.. no answer get through situations like this that someone else will read and. Read this and that they are 'inside themselves ' - or inwardly focused as I it! School and work she can sleep there should be 2 colors, and now there are least... For your spouse when they are takers wife wo n't be back until 4 PM if I could boil the!, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it no one asks what I can ``!. Take responsibility for the times in your marriage me be to recuperate, since they know it true... Did in the moment, it might 've developed into some nasty resentment if nothing is happening while inner. Past the victim hood yet. ) good to be upset but then noticed... Need him get past the victim hood yet. ) a crappy childhood - one mentioned! Am I WRONG to be upset a dumb ass push over that loves acting like a victim inner world changed! Respect without ego to treat yourself with a congenital heart condition, she two! Anniversarythe month after I returned and of course, I wasted most of my life these to...